Bonus: Fashion Week Hostage Crisis
The dress-up delusions of a short king.
Hello! Today’s bonus post consists of outfits I would wear from my closet, plus extra items shoppable on the internet, that would *kind of* make do if Anna Wintour called me crying on the eve of Fashion Week, blubbering that Bella Had*d was being held by a mechanical claw over a pot of boiling water and the perpetrator threatened to drop her unless a 5’1” fashion writer replaced Bella on the runway for Miu Miu, CDG, Lutz Huelle, Nicklas Skovgaard, Vaquera, and more. Devilish tactics, but I appreciate guerrilla advocacy for the…little guy.
I suppose I’d have to step in, in my own clothes, of course, because there’s NO TIME to make clothes that HUMAN BODIES OTHER THAN 6 FT 100 LBS CAN ATTEMPT WEARING. There wouldn’t be time even if it’d been a whole year before FW that Bella was on the threshold of boiling, I suppose, given the way FW (which I infamously despise and ridicule annually, let me know if you want me to repost last year’s polemic) has not progressed past the thigh gap standard. But I’m brave, and Bella seems like a nice girl, so here goes nothing. We’re working based off of the below-noted “vibes,” agglomerations of various seasons from 1995 to now (if you want an ID on a specific pic, comment below, I’m TRULY too tired to go through and label them all, sorry kids) and the goal is to sneak in and out of the show with people only noticing my conspicuous shortness and not my conspicuously discounted togs.
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THANK YOU for being here, and I am always available @humanrepeller on Instagram for sartorial scandals/situations/summons. Here is a little preview of what’s below the paywall:
The vibe: Librarian, nuanced, blunt, tired, kind of pervy, effortful and effortless at the same time, cosplaying femininity, cozy, clinical, contradictory.
The recent Miu Miu look was pretty easy to replicate: matter-of-fact glasses, layered knits in faded but contrasting colors, a scrunchy polka dot slip skirt, a vintage, distressed-by-wear shearling jacket, socks to match the sweater and add a blaze of color, and pointy-toed pumps.
Glasses - Warby Parker, $145+
Coat - Flea market, similar here, $81.31 (Sale)
Sweater - Flea market, similar here, $45
Turtleneck - Flea market, similar here, $37
Socks - Marni for Uniqlo, similar here, €8.90
Heels - Vintage Prada via TRR, similar here, $87.50
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