Discover more from Human Repeller
Back to our regularly scheduled content, now sponsored by 1-800-LOBOTOMY!
Yo! As per my last post, which thankfully, on Substack, didn’t trigger any “Your Friends Are Worried About You!” messages like it would’ve on Instagram, one of the few things I can do when I have, as I can best verbalize it, “a hot, wet, spiky blanket on my brain” is find some clothes online that make me smile, either because I can imagine debuting them in the vein of the My Fair Lady scene where Audrey Hepburn comes down the stairs in her white gown and everyone goes absolutely heart-eyes-awooga-feral in their solemn British way, or because they are sheerly fun and interesting as objects or concepts.
As a reward for making it through the week alongside me (it was touch-and-go there for a minute, huh?), here are some pieces I’ve come across lately with my thoughts on why they would probably fix me like a spike to the ol’ frontal lobe (did anyone else learn about Phineas Gage in a high school anatomy class and leave feeling…a bit jealous? Note that this was the same class where I held hands with a literal cadaver. Lots of formative moments in that joint).
If you like these posts, please let me know by liking and commenting here or on HR’s Instagram, subbing to the HR Substack (this) for as little as two bucks a month, one dollar per bonus post (subsidized subs available HERE) or for ZERO DOLLARS, share (tag me if on IG so I can see and thank you)!
Thank you SO MUCH for your support, whatever you are able and willing to do to help is extremely valuable to me and I’m honored to be a small part of your life on the web.
Note: I might earn a commission if you purchase items using some of the links below, which costs you nothing and might actually save you a few bucks in some cases, so thanks if you do, and please let me know what you copped!
This swimsuit looks like a piñata would wear it, and that’s all I can explain about its appeal to me, as someone who, on paper, wouldn’t like this at all, but in practice, has Added To Cart many a time.
Please, don’t embarrass me (you do read my blog, after all, so I have a huge stake in this!!!) by purchasing these for $60. I will personally make you 120 pairs for free, if you buy all the supplies and come over and lift my limp hands, controlling them to fashion these genius accessories that I, for one, genuinely need as someone who will literally go home during the opener of a concert if I forget ear protection. #autismshrieks
This looks like a shirt Zelda would wear if she were into ketamine. That’s a good thing, to be clear.
Ok, this is currently sold out, but it’s also the one clothing item that is guaranteed to find you a life partner within five minutes of wearing it on the dance floor. Time to troll Depop, singles!
I used to hate this color and now I like it cool story bro yeah it is ok this is how my brain sounds all the time *inopportune 2008 parody of a Lady Gaga song with transphobic joke lyrics blares in the background.*
Fake Issey! But it’s great, ‘cause the dip-dye is actually interesting and melancholic but optimistic, somehow. Maybe I’m just saying that because, um, it has light and dark parts. This is your brain on a BFA, kids!
Sheer, grinny fun! Built-in faux stains to obscure real stains!
Not only do I love this shirt because I’m a Pisces and am constantly implicitly screaming this exact message out of every pore on my body, but it also reminds me of 2:16 in this video of Brad Pitt shouting out then-girlfriend Gwyneth Paltrow in his ‘96 Golden Globe acceptance speech, in which he adapts, for a split second, an absolutely inexplicable Irish (?) cadence, calling her “the love O’ my life [sic].” I first heard this on the podcast Significant Lovers and it is now one of my most torturous brainworms.
Another color that I didn’t like and now I do! Nice (said like it’s said here)!
I always love having an enemies/lovers/will-they-won’t-they story playing out on my chest.
There’s no picture of the REAL short black dress, which is the one I want, and god help me if I did not wear it braless and to a Cumbia soundtrack every night during the summer.
RIP Brittany Murphy!!!! You were so cute in this tee!!!!
This headband feels like something an Ai Yazawa character would wear, and I’m trying to incorporate more of that energy into my life with my clothes right now. Who wants to be the right to my left as per this god-tier lo-res .jpg?
Some clothes are just magical! If I owned this, it might literally change my entire attitude about the cold seasons (as of now, I loathe them). Perfect balance of Lumpy and Neutral.
The OPPOSITE of neutral, but the awkwardly high neck, butterfly cap sleeves, and bubble skirt make me want to absolutely GAG the entire crowd at a B’nei Mitzvah party.
This is what I wear to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve ever heard about our lord and savior Akutami Gege.
This top asks the brave question, “What if Simone Rocha models’ eyes were their nipples?”
Idk what to say about this one. Yoshitomo Nara forever. I would rather eat glass than pay that much for a tote bag, but If you did it, I’d be perversely impressed (and ask for you to throw me a paid sub <3).
Looks like a Vaquera muumuu, priced like a Vaquera muumuu, is…not a Vaquera muumuu but would look so great on and is another one of those never-take-it-off pieces.
Peplum for big kids! Peplum for funerals! Peplum for…someone playing a piano concerto I don’t know.
Cool, AI-generated-looking boots that confuse me at every angle!
So freaking adorable. I imagine wearing this and plucking off a bow every time a rat passed my ankles to make sure the rat looked dapper and wasn’t running around bare naked.
These are a much more affordable (and fun) dupe for the Marni MJs I’ve publicly pined for in the past.
I feel like this is the second, cuter coming of the dress (if they don’t know what the dress is, they’re TOO YOUNG TO BE READING THIS BLOG!!!).
Between the Lions goes knight-core.
This dress just scratches my brain itches the right way. Also easy to check your nose for boogers in its many mirrors.
The hottest couple in the world would ask you to be their unicorn with these on.
They just look nice, I think!
Again, as a Pisces, I am obligated to turn my body into a billboard advertising love spells.
You know how I (now) feel about polka dots! And if you don’t, you’re gonna have to do some archival work, because if you can’t tell, my wrist is starting to carpe el tunnél, and I am typing this with my big toe, so I can’t copy/paste anymore.
Love to both my depressed and normie square friends out there!